I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
