how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
