nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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