so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
