I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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