I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
