THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
