I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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