Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
