I need to stop coming to work sober
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
