There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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