goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
