hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
