And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
