I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
