just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
