I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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