My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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