Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize