Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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