Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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