i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Randomize
