I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My penis needs a shock collar
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
