I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
