Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my shit smells like andre
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
