i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
