I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
