I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize