a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
