Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
