We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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