Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
