no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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