At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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