so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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