I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize