Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
