Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
