And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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