I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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