I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
