Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
well you can't waste a boner
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
