fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
