I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I could have mohawked her pubes.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
