She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just googled if crying burns calories
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
