areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think my vagina is haunted
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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