i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
