He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
