Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
