just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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