I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize