you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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