What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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