the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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