i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
