A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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