i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
