if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
