I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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