Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
