just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
