How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
