matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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