His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
